Hello my friends - long time no see. I have not had a computer, nor access to wi-fi in a week and a half now - and it has been quite an adventure since we last were here together. This is a post I have been working on since last Wednesday when I was struck suddenly with the idea and since I had no computer I sat down at my local bar with a pen and paper and wrote it out by hand. I am happy to say I found that the Newport public library gives access to my blogger account so here I am on a rainy Monday night, finally writing it up and getting it online. And so without further adieu I present "Examine your dash" - my new favorite piece without a doubt.
Rick Grandinetti is a friend of my father's, and the author of "Succeed inside the Box". I came across the book right at home one day last month - and sat down to check it out. It's a slip of a book; barley long enough to qualify, but chock full of fantastic accounts and quotable s and one liner's you want to take with you. When I was reading it last week I had an A-ha moment. I had been working out the way to use some ideas that Pema Chodrun had shared in an interview with Oprah on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) earlier in November (part of the Super Soul Sunday series) and when I read this piece by Rick I was struck suddenly with the need to write a post - I take these A-ha moments very seriously as a writer. They don't happen often and cannot be forced. Once the idea hits it's like the piece rites itself; I don't have control over the content or length and race to get it all copied down before I lose the idea... or motivation needed to produce something like this.
I find the difference between an inspired piece of writing and a forced one is that when I've had an A-ha moment, I cannot be kept from writing the damn thing... as I fully realized just this week - on Wednesday I began to understand that the home computer, network and account issues I've been having were, perhaps, beyond repair and at the very least, insurmountable even with tech support from Microsoft, Cox, Google, and Verizon.
But dammit I had an idea, and the piece was ready to be born, so I headed for the bar where I could jot down some of the key ideas I hoped and relax before bed. Instead I ordered a drink and started writing - I didn't touch the drink or look up from the paper for over 45 minutes. I was desperately trying to take note of the piece as it occurred to me and now I regard the bar as my muse if you will. Pour Judgement had the writing pouring from me like Vodka at a Russian wedding.
It's not been fun trying to deal with all these technical issues and finally I had to get a tablet this weekend. I simply have not had time to get it set up with software and Internet access but it's on tomorrow's agenda for sure. The entire week has made for great story telling though it has been a long and difficult journey between Wednesday's A-ha moment and right now. Like most of what I have had to overcome it is not so great while you are alone, and living it out... but it certainly makes for a wild time, a lot of learning experiences, and of course, a great piece of writing
(I hope)
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I had forgotten what I am like with an idea, and a pen and paper in hand - I've gotten accustomed to typing everything now even though it felt completely foreign to me a year ago. Ironically the entire week even with it's low points has reminded me to "Examine the dash" in my own life. This is a term I discovered and now borrow from Rick Grandinetti. In his book he speaks of a man who gets up at a friends funeral and says 'you will have three things written on your tombstone. 1) your date of birth 2) "a dash", and 3) the date you died'
This man "said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For the dash represents all the time his friend had sent alive on earth. "And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth"
"For it matters not how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash. What matters most is how we live, and love, and how we spend our dash." (Grandinetti, p. 27 "Suceedinsidethebox.com")
Rick goes on to ask us - 'when your eulogy is being read, with your life's actions to re-hash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you "spent the dash"?
Rick Grandinetti is a friend of my father's, and the author of "Succeed inside the Box". I came across the book right at home one day last month - and sat down to check it out. It's a slip of a book; barley long enough to qualify, but chock full of fantastic accounts and quotable s and one liner's you want to take with you. When I was reading it last week I had an A-ha moment. I had been working out the way to use some ideas that Pema Chodrun had shared in an interview with Oprah on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) earlier in November (part of the Super Soul Sunday series) and when I read this piece by Rick I was struck suddenly with the need to write a post - I take these A-ha moments very seriously as a writer. They don't happen often and cannot be forced. Once the idea hits it's like the piece rites itself; I don't have control over the content or length and race to get it all copied down before I lose the idea... or motivation needed to produce something like this.
I find the difference between an inspired piece of writing and a forced one is that when I've had an A-ha moment, I cannot be kept from writing the damn thing... as I fully realized just this week - on Wednesday I began to understand that the home computer, network and account issues I've been having were, perhaps, beyond repair and at the very least, insurmountable even with tech support from Microsoft, Cox, Google, and Verizon.
But dammit I had an idea, and the piece was ready to be born, so I headed for the bar where I could jot down some of the key ideas I hoped and relax before bed. Instead I ordered a drink and started writing - I didn't touch the drink or look up from the paper for over 45 minutes. I was desperately trying to take note of the piece as it occurred to me and now I regard the bar as my muse if you will. Pour Judgement had the writing pouring from me like Vodka at a Russian wedding.
It's not been fun trying to deal with all these technical issues and finally I had to get a tablet this weekend. I simply have not had time to get it set up with software and Internet access but it's on tomorrow's agenda for sure. The entire week has made for great story telling though it has been a long and difficult journey between Wednesday's A-ha moment and right now. Like most of what I have had to overcome it is not so great while you are alone, and living it out... but it certainly makes for a wild time, a lot of learning experiences, and of course, a great piece of writing
(I hope)
<-- --="" button="" place="" render.="" tag="" the="" this="" to="" want="" where="" you="">
I had forgotten what I am like with an idea, and a pen and paper in hand - I've gotten accustomed to typing everything now even though it felt completely foreign to me a year ago. Ironically the entire week even with it's low points has reminded me to "Examine the dash" in my own life. This is a term I discovered and now borrow from Rick Grandinetti. In his book he speaks of a man who gets up at a friends funeral and says 'you will have three things written on your tombstone. 1) your date of birth 2) "a dash", and 3) the date you died'
This man "said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For the dash represents all the time his friend had sent alive on earth. "And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth"
"For it matters not how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash. What matters most is how we live, and love, and how we spend our dash." (Grandinetti, p. 27 "Suceedinsidethebox.com")
Rick goes on to ask us - 'when your eulogy is being read, with your life's actions to re-hash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you "spent the dash"?
This is certainly a question that we who get stuck in our lives need to examine. We're stuck in our careers, relationships, education, social lives, and our financial situations - which leads to being stuck elsewhere. Those of us who battle long term illness know how easy it is to get stuck in this mud. Even if and when our physical abilities change to allow us the room to finally grow and experience all parts of life we have missed out on we are often stuck due to these other aspects of our lives being so messed up and beat up during our illnesses. The degrees we never finished, the careers we put on hold, the families we dreamed of having but don't, the homes we can't afford to build, the relationships we longed for but gave up on having, and so much more - we are so stuck for so long that we forget to go out and live in any and every way imaginable. Because we are so stuck. Right?
Are you stuck? Are you chronically ill, or disabled, addicted, depressed? Are you having trouble with the mud in your life? If so you are not alone. I have been there myself for many years; chronically ill and super stuck. Like not moving ahead at all year after year, like not earning a dime, like not feeling loved or understood by anyone at times, or advancing in my education, or choosing a career path, or writing for almost a decade. I've coped with and accepted my losses and limitations but I am still learning how to pull myself from this quick sand and live my life with chronic Lyme disease despite feeling ashamed, or anxious, or incompetent at times. Not having a chance to feel secure in your life creates a hazardous amount of mud and it sucks you in so fast - it won't let go. Due to our sicknesses, injuries, traumas, financial destinations, lack of friends and worn out families we often allow ourselves to remain in this state for years - even forever but we don't have to. I am seeing this day in and day out this month. It's fight. It's hard work - so hard - but it feels amazing at times even when it is exhausting.
We can still spend our time, and live our "dash" to the fullest, once we realize that living to the fullest now is not what it was before we got ill or injured. Then we must make changes, internally and consciously, making ourselves re-define living and then go out and put our new definitions into action as best we can so that we can once again live a life we are incredibly proud of. Ask yourself, when was the last time you felt accomplished? Or appreciated? Or proud of something you created? If you have trouble answering this then it's time dear reader to start making some changes and we can start by changing how we define ourselves and view our lives. We all need to stop using the term "stuck" especially when we are talking to ourselves! When you use the term "stuck" as an adjective to represent your current situation you don't change. Word Origin and History for the word "stuck" tells us that the term means "unable to go any further," and dates back to 1885. It is from past participle of stick (v.). The moment we think of ourselves as stuck -we are unable to go further in any of the parts of life we are trying to advance in; we are in essence, accepting our situations, limitations, illnesses and problems as being out of our control - and therefore they remain unchanging. Others view us as stuck therefore, without question. I am just realizing this in my own life, and it's not easy to admit, it's even harder to work on changing. Changing myself from the position of "stuck" to "moving ahead" is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's work on myself, by myself, for myself. Yikes. That's scary isn't it. But it is harder to be stuck then it is to get unstuck if you'll believe that. Believe me - it's a lot like emotional healing and therapy -it's a process, not a one time event. But it's worthwhile to start this process because it opens up the possibility of changing your life and having the desired effect on other people that you want to but are not currently capable of having.
What kind of effect do you have on other people? We with chronic "issues" must ask ourselves today "what kind of effect our own acceptance that we are stuck has on our ability to heal" - to heal, and hope and feel honest and happy and humbly begin to change our lives and teach others what we know. We lack these things with a profound sense of having been cheated. Am I right? We are stuck, and it's implied every time we think, or say this, that we didn't get stuck by our own actions alone, others had a hand in it. And so of course, did our diseases and diagnoses. But what are we doing right now to get out of this situation? What are we doing to change and improve ourselves, our view point, our health, our spirituality, our relationships, and our overall health and happiness? If you say you are too stuck from your disease to change anything I have bad news my friend... This is just a comfortable un-truth, we have let ourselves accept as the reasoning for so much unhappiness and pain. We have felt out of control in our lives, and our relationships for so long we stopped examining our dash.
It's as good a time as any to begin to break free. It's time for some harsh truths... we are allowing ourselves to be unhappy, misunderstood and incapable of moving forward by accepting that we are stuck Being stuck is not something I ever questioned until recently. After so many years of struggling with illness, and the ensuing lack of independence, lack of feeling impassioned or inspired; driven and eventually fulfilled, I am finally asking myself the right questions. When I don't like the answers that's when the work begins. This is the total opposite of how I lived for about 7 years and it's taken a long time, and a lot of effort to arrive at this current point. SO start asking yourself the hard questions - just remember to be kind to yourself my friend. Be kind but totally honest. No excuses but no judging yourself or criticisms of your current situation either. This is not easy but if you are determined to be fairer to yourself then you would be with another then you can begin this process. Know this, before you begin, you can actually get un-stuck. YES YOU CAN. Even with no money, no love life, no job, no new dreams, no inspiration or new interests to pursue... you can move into a life where you seek to live and love and let go of your limitations, and become chronically awesome; no longer seeing yourself as chronically ill. You need to let go of the obsession with the run of the mill generalizations we all use when we're feeling down and out - you want to get "better" or "back on your feet" - well you may not get better and your feet haven't gone anywhere. You may have developed some trouble using them - but with the right ideas and people to lean on you can not only get back on your feet but let those feet take you anywhere you want to go, anyplace you dream of. If you're stuck you need to examine why and start fixing it - only you can do this.
"You will not be remembered for how tall you were. You will be remembered for how many times you bent down to teach others." (Grandineiti, p. 28) You may be stuck - it happens to the best and brightest of us without a doubt. That's okay. Today you start the process of breaking free. I am here to teach you how or at least give you hope for tomorrow. You decide if you are going to let the "dash" on you r tombstone mean more then it does today. There's still time left "in the dash"! But once the last date is put on your grave it's out of my hands, and yours. Game over. Don't get stuck like a deer in the headlights - because you are afraid. It's instinctual I know; the nature of fear is to stop and hold your breath. You have to work against this nature! As Pema Chodrun told Oprah Winfrey in their recent interview "If you don't know the nature of fear then you can never be fearless."
Be fearless my friend. Examine the dash!
Have a happy and healthy day my friend, PEACE - Audrey
