Howdy folks! I hope everyone is doing well. I have been sporadic with my posts I know - due to travels and technical difficulties which seem to be a chronic illness in and of themselves. Today I wanted to share some notes I took this week on the process of forgiveness. This is something I seriously need to work on especially when it comes to forgiving myself but we all have our weaknesses I'm sure. I decided yesterday to start incorporating more rituals into my life when it comes to the areas on which I need the most work and the anthropologist in me is saying "why didn't you do this earlier? Surely you know the importance of rituals!" Well nobody said I was the fastest when it comes to self realization and implementing methods of self care and growth... but at least I'm finally getting there.
It is going to take serious work on my part I know and that's why I share it here - I usually write what I need to remember the most - the lessons I am still learning and discovering - the tasks at hand - the ideas I need to put into action and not just store in the "good idea" or "great advice" folder of my life. No this is the ongoing "to do list" for myself and others and I'm so glad to know others are with me on this journey. Thank you for joining me here once again friends. Together we can become better versions of ourselves. That I believe wholeheartedly. But I admit I need a lot of assistance with forgiveness especially forgiving and moving on after my own past. I've always been incredibly hard on myself even when it served no purpose. Even when it made no sense - like when I got Lyme disease and the slew of horrors that have occurred with my health... I have always felt if I tried hard enough I could control it - I could undo the damage to relationships and self esteem and physical limitations. I still have not learned in my heart and mind that this approach is foolish. Intellectually I know this. I recognize and analyze and comprehend on as many levels as possible but emotionally, when it's just me, myself and I - well, I continue to feel guilt and shame, and despair over the absolutely uncontrollable aspects of this life. Absurd? Yes. True? Yes. Such is our human condition I suppose. And this is one of many reasons I need to work on forgiving myself, and others in this lifetime - starting right now.
Even as I write I begin my normal routine of criticizing myself for not having done this sooner, earlier, last year, last month, yesterday. Like I said - I'm a work in progress. We all are.
Nope. It's not. It's easy to say and commonplace to agree with when another reminds us to do so. It's much different when you put this idea into action. Remember above all it's an investment - it's a process and if you're intelligent and inspired - well it will be a process that never ends. Sounds fun right? I mean who does not want to begin something else with everything going on in our daily lives - who among us has the time to spare? Well if you're smart - if we're smart that is then we will all make the time. It's a process but it doesn't begin until you do, and nobody can do it for you.
Start with this simple outline - I always find when I have a plan it makes focusing on such tasks a lot easier and more beneficial to me. I may be old fashioned by recommending a pen and paper but is there anything so personal as your own handwriting? I mean it leaves so much room for interpretation by you the writer - long after you put the pen down. It's a gift to yourself later on too. I can tell a lot about myself based on what color pen I decided to use and how legible the writing is after the fact. If I'm struggling with my neurological Lyme I notice the shaky hands and difficulty I had with spelling and writing straight and I am realizing now it's healthy to see this when the words reflect my own personal work. If I find a piece of writing, a blog post idea, a to-do list from 6 months ago and compare it to my lists from 6 years ago I can congratulate myself - I'm actually writing, reflecting, my mind is working and I'm making a lot of progress with the inner me. I sometimes get emotional when I see how much I struggled with simple tasks but seeing it and acknowledging it is healthy and reminds me on the good days to work a little harder, stand a little straighter and smile a little brighter. No matter what I Face today I have faced worse before and that's not a cliche in m y life. It's a simple truth and one I'd do well to remember. This is why I encourage you, if you are able, to forgo the computer or tablet with these inner explorations - and don't worry most people find the process takes less time, and feels "complete" sooner when they do it by hand. At least that's been my experience with those who tried this exercise out for me over the last 2 weeks - they all had positive and encouraging things to say and felt it was worth a little time and effort. One friend told me she felt lighter and hopes to do this at least once a month now. You go girl! (And remind me to join you lady...)
Start here: Write this at the top of your paper - "I acknowledge and release the lessons of my past. I release my shortcomings. I forgive. I forgive you. I forgive myself. I forgive my friend(s). I forgive my family. I forgive the human race. I forgive God." (Note: The last line raises some eyebrows but I think it's important to say because many of us carry grievances in our heart against God, or entities or spirits or energy and without acknowledging this we can not begin the process of self love and forgiveness. If it offends you leave it out.)
Now pause and read what you just wrote allowed. Then continue where you left off...
"I forgive myself. I forgive others for their actions and shortcomings too. In order to go forward in peace I forgive and look for inner and outer peace and harmony."
Now insert your own specifics here - things you want to be forgiven for - it can be general or specific. If you're going all the way back to the candy bar you stole in 3rd grade then you're probably getting to specific and working yourself up which is NOT the point of this. Guilt is not going to help us heal but it is a symptom of the sickness in your heart and soul - a sickness that can be healed if you allow it, accept it and welcome it. This is your chance.
Take your regrets and sorrows from the past and when your brain shifts to making lists (and it will I promise) that's your sign to start a new page. Trust me. Start a new page and know it will be a list not a prayer, or a paragraph or anything like that - it's short, sweet and to the point. Take your regrets and guilt and sorrows from the past, LIST THEM on the left of the page. Give yourself a couple of lines in between as I've found most of us get less neat and tidy when doing this, and sometimes the item listed is a sentence or two long even if you meant it to be shorter. That's fine. Get it down on the page. You can mix your personal items with those offenses done to you by others. This is not a test. The more you let things flow, the better. This can take some people 10 minutes. One person ended up writing for almost 3 hrs apparently - no it wasn't me but on a different day in a different mood it well could have been. Don't judge or criticize others or yourself to the best of your ability. Your examining wounds - expect them to be sore for a moment or two but remember this is the ointment to heal these wounds and you'll feel so much better when it's done. If the idea appeals to you that's your soul telling you to get to it! Why wait? This baggage is heavy and unnecessary - why carry it another hour or day?
When you are done with your list, or when you need a break - emotionally - go through the items on this list and one by one write in a column next to the items " I FORGIVE MYSELF." or "I FORGIVE THIS PERSON"... as appropriate. This is the most important part. Don't rush this but do focus on finishing the exercise. You're close afterall. This is where the payoff will be.
IF YOU CAN'T YET FORGIVE THIS OFFENSE OR THIS PERSON CIRCLE IT. CIRCLE IT AND KNOW YOU WILL COME BACK TO IT IN THE END.
Okay stay with me. Nobody said this was easy - just that it's worth it. SO WORTH IT!
Breath.
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Re-read your opening paragraph please "I acknowledge and release the lessons of my past..." and then come back to those circled items. If you still feel the same - like you can't forgive yourself, or this person etc YET - then start your 3rd and final sheet of paper. Write out the offenses on the left side of the paper once again - only the ones you couldn't forgive on page 2 - and on the right side of the paper make a list of actions you may need to do, or words you need to say, or confessions you want to make, or apologies you want to hear which you think would allow you to forgive this event and release your grip on it. Now don't get carried away. This is not the time to start calling people and picking fights nor is it the time to chastise yourself and let your guilty conscious carry you into an emotional black hole. And if you are invested in yourself and in the process this is something you may feel momentarily but still be able to walk away from. Remember to focus on ways to forgive, not get even, or atone necessarily. This is about releasing the baggage of past regrets and sorrows because it's good for you. It's good for your soul and spirit. It's good for the self. Therefore it's good for others as well. If you have written down actions and ideas for how to forgive yourself for offenses against another - you can start implementing them later today or tomorrow. You want to finish this but not overwhelm yourself. Some wounds are deep and as long as you're working on them you're progressing. It's your work and effort here though not another's. So if you have written down anything that involves someone else taking actions or speaking the words you want, expect, or feel are necessary to heal then I'm sorry to inform you - that is an item on the list to circle AGAIN. As long as you see it for what it is and circle it you'll be able to finish today's excercise. The items you have circled twice are things you can not yet forgive in yourself or others, and have now acknowledged you need to work on again - perhaps tomorrow or the day after. Give yourself some time and then start this exercise over, don't just pick up on page 3 where you left off - that gives the whole thing an unfinished feel and I promised you this would make you feel better. It will if you acknowledge how many things you just released instead of focusing on the items you still have to work on. SO Go through that list and look at what you just accomplished. You have started the healing process for how many painful parts of the past? For how many grievances, shortcomings and sorrows? Be proud of yourself! Remember it's a process. It will never be finished which is why it's all the more important to get started now.
Tomorrow you start again - and I bet the list will be much shorter and take less time to get through. Congratulations you have officially begun to heal your soul.
WHEN AND ONLY WHEN YOU FEEL THIS LIST IS COMPLETE, BURN IT! YIPEE. FREEDOM FEELS FANTASTIC. WAY TO GO FRIENDS. Way to go.
HAVE A HAPPY AND HEALTH DAY MY FRIENDS. Y'all come back now ya hear? : )
PEACE, Audrey
PEACE, Audrey
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