Between Health and Wealth Avenues: ambition and chronic illness

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(Re-post! Summer 2017)

Howdy and hello my friends. So here's something I am learning this year and I tend to write about the things I need to remember the most in my own life. Hopefully by now you have realized you are not your illness, disability or injury. These are things that are a part of you but they are not who you are. They are not your soul. They are not your heart. They are not your passion or determination. They do not define you unless you let them and I did just that for many years. I was focused on what I couldn't do, I was not focusing on living. Yes you can live with your condition. Nobody said it'd be easy. But the greatest people face the greatest challenges.

So you have to choose how to live - with your illness, in spite of it, or fully embracing it and realizing life can still be pretty awesome. And you're pretty awesome!

It's easy to read this when you're feeling low and throw up your hands and say enough of this mind over matter bullshit already! But I am here to tell you it works. I'm living proof but the first step in being re-born after you've been diagnosed with _____________ (fill in the blank) is to start holding yourself accountable for thoughts, words, and deeds and this includes self talk. Every minute of everyday is your chance to start anew. I can't tell you it'll be all sunshine and roses and unicorns but when you progress mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually those unicorns will appear on occasion - and that my friends is worth it.

I can't tell you how to live your life, nor would I want the responsibility... but if you take your mental and emotional health as seriously as your disease wonderful things will start to happen. Remember ambition is not a dirty word and it comes in many forms. Ambition is not tied to your income, to your degrees, to your career or lack there of - it is tied to you. You have to want this - do you want to feel better? Of course. Do want to handle yourself better on the bad days? Of course. Are willing to work for it?

Yesterday I went for my first jog in 13 years. I was a former Division Athlete - I worked out 30 hours a week, had an athletic scholarship, was an all American you name it. Rowing was a huge part of my life. Then I got sick and that side of Audrey withered up and nearly died. Let me be the first to tell you I hate running - truly. But I did it. It's taken me a very long time to get here. Physically I could have done it sooner but my brain was too out of shape to handle pushing my body. Let's work on this together. Mental strength is not magic and if your strong by nature it's not something that you can lose though you certainly can let the part of your health routine go - let it get fat and lazy and that's what I did. But this year I'm taking back the rutter of this vessel. I am steering my own boat. Are you doing the same? If you can't answer this with a resounding yes, it's time to take action.

And if there is one thing I can promise it's that you WILL feel better - not all better, and not all the time, but there is nothing like the feeling of accomplishing something you thought you'd never do again. That my friends is true success. And we are all in different phases of it. But we are successful just the same. We are not here to compare or judge only to support and love each other. And so lovingly I say to you believe in unicorns - look for them in all parts of your life so that one day when one finally appears you will realize, breathlessly that yes, yes it was in fact worth it!