Aloha class.
Sorry for my truancy - I was not wasting time catching tasty waves or smoking dope or in the food line either - I did have issues with my carbon paper technology and hence this is going out later then I planned. I do hope you enjoyed the intermission last night and am glad to see you back here Between Health and Wealth Avenues!
Now this piece is about attitude - changing your attitude to meet you where you are at not were you wanted to be. Sound fun? No? It will be because I am the mix mistress of metaphors and you're in for a fun ride.
Are you struggling to pass the chronic illness class? Despite your best efforts to? I totally understand- for those of you who remember the classic film Fast Times at Ridgemont High this post is going to be gnarly... if you have not seen it then you are either a teenager or were neglected as a child and did not receive a good education on film culture - that makes me very sad & I hope I can help you before it's too late. Are you ready? Good -let's do this.
Attitude adjustments are extremely important when you're struggling with life changing disabilities, injuries, illnesses - and that includes addiction.
I used to be the quintessential Bradley character in my own RidgeLyme High movie. I did my best, was responsible, hard working, had everything going fro me from the "luxury sedan" to the seemingly perfect setup for a rad "Senior year": I was proud to be the manager of all American burger. I was a good person; hard working, pretty sure of myself, and ready to coast through the last year of my studies but unfortunately trouble found me. I looked around for help - the manager, another employee, anyone to help me deal with this problem that was suddenly in my face and like Bradley I lost my cool finally...
Needless to say I did not handle this confrontation well. He just wanted to enjoy his Sr year... which for me would have been the equivalent of graduating with Highest honors and 3 degrees from the University of Kansas - but life doesn't go as we plan does it? And I'm slowly... oh so slowly learning that the "A for effort mentality" will help you survive but it's not going to necessarily make you happiest or the most successful if you are too rigid and aren't willing to change your expectations of yourself or others when life starts chucking tomatoes at you and saying "get OFF the stage!" You see most people would be booed off stage instead of standing there and getting pounded in the face with genetically modified produce.
I stood up there like the cheerleaders at the pep rally trying my best to get people to care about what I cared about
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| "And we’re gonna DESTROY Lincoln High this weekend, riiight?!!!" |
I stood there and kept performing why people emotionally threw tomatoes at me and I was as sad and frustrated as poor Cindy the cheerleader. You know it takes a lot of courage to get up here and do something that you know people will make fun of or be completely apathetic towards... that's true. Maybe Cindy just needed to vamp it up a bit; change tactics instead of trying harder; increasing her idea of the right way to put "pep" in your step. So people kept throwing tomatoes at me and booing me throughout my Lyme life and most of them were medical professionals: the ones who were supposed to care of me. This went on until I was pretty saucy I admit - so I figured out a way to make fresh tomato sauce from the things they'd thrown! Ha! They didn't know they were giving me seasoning for this a brand new homemade marinara sauce basically- I didn't know either when I was standing knee deep in tomatoes and covered in seeds and red juice. Fun? Not exactly. I just didn't realize that the combination of ME and my new marinara could lead to a new and better sauce for my success & eventually bring me a new dream. I could be peppy - I could get people to rally around something if I employed some newer fresher sexier peppy moves & the right flavor...
; )
But that has taken years. At first I stood there like Cindy. I got pissed off and stomped off stage feeling defeated.
Like Brad I thought I had lost my magic. I did my best at first but let it get under my skin and all my stresses built one on top of the other until I over reacted and lost my head like poor Bradley did. He lost his job, his girlfriend, his confidence and ended up in a pirate costume delivering crappy food to crappy customers in a crappy costume. I ended up in a far worse situation but this all needed to happen before I could save the day later. I had to learn the defeat to appreciate the success.
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Poor Bradley. Poor me. I felt I had fallen from the position of coolness I had once held. Don't worry we both make it in the end. But not before more trouble finds us. Now on the other end of the social spectrum there was Mr. Jeff Spicoli, the guy we all now and love because if nothing else he knew who he was and didn't apologize to anyone for it either. Bradley just wanted to enjoy his Senior year and get laid - is that to much to ask?
Now Jeff Spicoli wanted to be on top of a different world - the surfer/stoner world, if you will...
He was not dreaming of academic success but of something else ... in a very different dream scenario of course:
Stu Nahan: [Spicoli is dreaming that he's won a surfing competition] Hello everybody! I'm Stu Nahan, and I'd like you to meet this young man. His name, Jeff Spicoli. And Jeff, congratulations to you. Things looked kind of rough out there today.Spicoli: Well, I'll tell you Stu, I did battle some humongous waves! But you know, just like I told the guy on ABC, "Danger is my business!"
Stu Nahan: You know, a lot of people expected maybe Mark "Cutback" Davis or Bob "Jungle Death" Gerrard would take the honors this year.
Spicoli: [laughs incredulously] Those guys are fags!
Stu Nahan: [oblivious] That's fantastic! Let me ask you a question. When you get out there, do you ever fear for your life?
Spicoli: Well Stu I'll tell you, surfing's not a sport, it's a way of life, you know, a hobby. It's a way of looking at that wave and saying, "Hey bud, let's party!" [focuses on Stu's sport coat] Where'd you get this jacket?
Stu Nahan: I got this from the network. Let me ask you a question. What's next for Jeff Spicoli?
Spicoli: Heading over to the Australian and Hawaiian internationals, and then me and Mick are going to wing on over to London and jam with the Stones! [to the two girls next to him] And you guys are invited too!
He didn't think about his classes or other responsibilities or desires.
Jeff and I basically switched places - he started to study and I started to dream and we both ended up jamming together on stage in the end right? We just needed some help to get here and a lot of patience from the people around us. It's not easy to figure out what you need when you're so busy focusing on what you want but don't have - possibly can't have anymore and this is one of those lessons I'll need to be smacked in the face with again and again I'm sure. But now I figured my secret recipe and you have to discover yours. I can help you but I can't create it FOR you. You need to experiment with anything and everything you have an interest in.
The thing is you're always surprised by other people when you're a Jeff Spicoli. You make things harder on yourself by not trying to understand what other people need from you - that what you do or don't do affects other people. It can be amusing or aggravating and usually hurts you more then others in the end. You're surprised by this reaction from others. Why is everyone being so mean to you?
..
Mr. Hand: What's the reason for your truancy?
Spicoli: Just couldn't make it on time.
Mr. Hand: You mean you couldn't or wouldn't?
Spicoli: See, there was a full crowd at the food lines.
Mr. Hand: Food will be eaten on your time. Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why must you shamelessly waste my time like this?
Spicoli: [thinks it over] I don't know.
Mr. Hand: [writes I DON'T KNOW on the chalkboard] I like that. Hmm Hmm. "I don't know," that's nice. 'Mr. Hand, will I pass this class?' 'Gee Mr. Spicoli, I don't know.' That's nice, I really like that. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to leave your words on my board for all my classes to enjoy, giving you full credit of course, Mr. Spicoli.
Spicoli: All right!
If you want to be a surfer, that's great. It doesn't mean it will happen. Especially if you never get out of high school! If you want to be a Lyme activist, that's FANTASTIC. If you want to be a blogger, that's bodacious. if you want to be an organ donor that's ... oh wait do you have chronic Lyme like me... then THAT is a disastrous dream. For you and the organ receiver. That is something that simply must be amended now. Do you see what I'm saying? The secret to success isn't hard work and determination only - which is what I've believed all my life. The whole "I'm trying so hard! Everyone is being so mean to me" mindset is going to hurt you, even if it's true - really very accurate - it doesn't mean your trying the right way to get onto the next thing; the step in the right direction towards your dreams.
YOU DICK! Go ahead everyone get it off your chest if you need to. Say it loud and proud. You're still in charge of your own opinions right? You still have your voice despite the fact that it's hard to hear sometimes (when the people booing you get really rowdy you can hardly remember the sound of your own voice I know... it's okay). But that's not going to mean you can move on from dealing with this difficult person, place or thing you are finding to be unnecessarily hard to handle. The Mr. Hand's of the world show up in our lives repeatedly, and calling them out or calling them names isn't going to fix the situation or get you out of future confrontations with those things. You said how you feel. Good for you. Now what?
Passing the class was never a concern until the day you realize you're failing. Do you want to be Mr. Hand's student perpetually or do you want to pass his class and move on?
Whatever struggles hold you back, hold you down, keep you from being the person you want to be - feel to destined to become - dream of - when you face chronic anything or permanent damage from an event or accident it's not only hard to get past, it's hard to embrace your future because you get lost somewhere between where you where headed and where you got held up or stuck. You can't go forward because you don't know how with these new limitations and so you go in circles, expending a lot of energy and effort but progressing little if at all. Progress has to be redefined according to your new needs and that means accepting them and loving yourself despite them. It's a huge order and a never ending process of self discovery and self healing. It's not ever something you can put in the past tense and it's important to realize this. Getting better, getting therapy or surgery or treatment or even a cure will not "fix you" - ask anyone of us who has faced PTSD - you can improve and hopefully learn to live again but you can't undo the past or un-become this new and wiser person. Sometimes our wisdom is unwanted and unappreciated - we don't want the lessons we learn, we don't like our new limitations, we refuse to accept them mentally and emotionally. This can go on for years and if you're not careful you could wind up stuck there for life. This is no way to live - you have so much greatness in you, so much to do and say and experience no matter what baggage you have to bring along with you. If you start working on your baggage consolidation and re-pack your sorrows so they are easier to carry and the load is lighter then you can go just about anywhere. You can even pass U.S. history and make it to the last dance of the school year. It just may take a visit from Mr. Hand to get there: not the guy you want to be in your bedroom the night your planning to go party it up but he can show up anytime and it may take years for you to get this but he could be doing you a favor. You don't want to be held back and you don't want to have to repeat a grade or take the same class over again right? No way! So with that in mind it's time to focus - the dance comes later...
Once Mr. Spicoli dealt with his U.S. History class, learned something from it and was able to demonstrate this to his teacher, Mr. Hand, he was allowed to "squeak by" and barely pass the class. It doesn't matter sometimes if you pass with flying colors, as long as you get through the troubles that plague you eve if you just squeak by ... you got there finally and what does this mean - congratulations you get to move onto to the next grade and go to the dance! Word. Now that's what I'm talking about!
You can do the same thing in your life I swear you can. But first you gotta face your struggles head on and deal with them. I'm not talking about cures or perfection or a magic eraser for your problems - sorry but even the Spicoli's of the world have to do the work themselves. Let your illness or trauma's be your teacher and change accordingly - change mentally - show that you've learned something and when you do this in your own life I bet you'll squeak by too. And then you can go on with your dreams whether they remain the same - a cool buzz and some tasty waves, or they change completely you can do all things when you show your strength and talents and understanding for the lessons you've learned. Mr Spicoli goes on to save Brooke Shields from drowning and Bradley saves the day when he's working as a cashier at a convenience store and someone tries to rob it. Spicoli came out from the bathroom, the robber turns and sees him - Bradley grabs a pot of coffee and throws it in the robbers face and gets promoted and rewarded and guess what -that's awesome!It's totally awesome.
Thanks for coming down memory lane with me and the cast of ...
Remember: you can't always get what you want but if you try some times you just might find you get what you need. Shift with the things that you face, the things that confront you and deal with them head on. You can be the hero of your own story too. And so from Fast times at RidgeLyme High I bid you adieu. Class dismissed!
Roll credits
Have a happy and healthy night my friends. Peace! Audrey
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