Howdy friends!
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM BETWEEN HEALTH & WEALTH AVENUES
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM BETWEEN HEALTH & WEALTH AVENUES
Yesterday you were SUPPOSED to get a Christmas Bonus Blog here... a way of taking a bunch of stuff I began & could not finish during the last 2 flare ups I had this month. I don't usually do drafts but go from the top to it being posted all at once - just how my brain works I realized now I have done it 70 times. Well that was a great idea and it took quite a bit, no quite a lot longer then I anticipated. Sometimes the combining of ideas is awesome but makes more work then if I had scratched em entirely. But some of what I wrote about, and the topics I was using on this weeks posts were personal, inspired & Aa ton of work to do with all the rest going on...and the irony is that it is now 37 hrs after I began this post & Blogger has been very naughty to me. I have battled fonts, and photos and getting the program to respond, and then google crashed 4 or 5 times and a bunch more stuff too- so angry now since it's still imperfect and unfinished but should have been really good if I hadn't spent hrs trying to log in and get it to move and cut and paste things etc. Anyways that's all I got left folks. The whole piece I wrote on the Star of Bethleham has been scrapped since it was going to be # 2 out of 3 posts between Christmas eve and now. But don't worry there's other stuff I have started and am looking forwqard to covering after I recover from Christmas and the bad bad blogger bug!
As of early this morning this should have taken a couple hours once I realized there were problems that were not me! You see once I had the issues with brain and balance in check, and the ideas were flowing fast and feisty style I just wrote non stop for about 3 hrs. That is unusual and I doubt this will become a regular way I blog as it is different from having an idea and spending a few hours reading stuff and getting images and adding my 2 cents... BADA BING! No. There was no bada or bing until 20 mins ago. I realizes how late it was & finally said blogger don't be a bit-h or you're gonna get busted by this blogga in your backside! And I logged out, re-booted it all and it's slow but way better. See I can type & spell check & stuff...
And so when I saw this thing all laid out for the 1st time, I scrolled up, and up, and wow up & up & it is super long but considering the stress and sadness that holidays bring without a Lyme flare up, a huge move and saying goodbye to my mom and her church this week as she heads for Wichita KS for a new job! It's exciting but all these changes are intense and happening rapidly. We are all emotionally stunned by the year I believe so if nobody reads this whole thing I will be disappointed because 1. There's good stuff at the end. It was meant for this morning initially but pretty sure even my mind over matter mantra won't bring that back so i don't accept this situation or the time I am now posting this mornings blog but Blogger decided it wanted to take a holiday too & when I kept making it work she just started antagonizing me with all sorts of issues from no connection available to issues with photos, fonts, paragraphs moving from page 1 to 3 somehow when the web would stop working - truly not that sick or tired. Or I wasn't anyways when it happened!!!!
There were 2 posts to keep you twice as content this morning. The 1st was for a.m. and 2nd for evening but as the day went on and I had to overcome the blog site and on top of this week, on top of this month, in the midst of crazy changes here & it's not a good thing when I stop pushing. If I say Oh nevermind more then once or twice it's a bad sign. Not who I am - a sign of my getting complacentor just so far past the point of believing all the positives I try to tell myself and you all too, that I am beginning to get distant emotionally and mentally. I don't do that- I am an expert at analytics and emotions. If I get that glazed look more then 1 night a week I worry now. Afraid of what's to come and how much more I can handle here in Prov if my family is all in Kansas. And I just moved into the apt 2 months ago, And am so ready to enjoy it - am enjoying it more days then not but worry with reason more days this month then in the past 12 months sbout certain symptoms getting so severe and rapidly. Thumbs down & a loud BOOOOOOO!
So last Night I wrote - I hope to have this for y'all Christmas morning "provided I am able to get them wrapped & edited without continued issues with Blogger!" lol
well due to my fatigue and frustration not to mention the emotion of the holiday this year with saying goodbye to a parish, packing my mom up to leave tomorrow with my dad for the drive from RI to Kansas and did I mention her goodbye send off was Sunday and she did Christmas services, cleaned out her office, and had to do the end of year bookeeping and budgets for the parish too. I am battling these flares and blogging and trying to continue to share JUICE PLUS+ and TOWER GARDENS WITH ANYONE I KNOW ESPECIALLY THE CHRONIC LYMIES! And then my there was a car wreck with my brother - not his fault but that had to get handled and towed and we were down a car and I had a bunch of healthcare paperwork do this week both for the new healthcare act and for other medical applications and funds I am applying for. What gives? Why is everything due this week - dumb! So everytime I lose the web I get back on and start typing again and it's probably happend 8 or 9 times - no way even I would ever have 1 post that was this long if I hadn't ended up combining 2 I wasn't able to finish but liked writing and know you'll like hearing with Christmas. Don't judge me. This is how I fight somedays! And here I am doing it and happy to be because I am not in a hospital staring at the clock on Christmas this year or on the couch - too ill to go to church or panicked to bearound people. I am exhausted but I am not lymie today... grumpy? yeah. Missing our dog who passed this summer - oh yeah! It's painful not having here especially at holidays and in my foks house. But I am here in MY APARTMENT!!! Easy to forget what an epic sucess that makes me this year - with help from family of course. Lots of it but that's okay. It's out of our control but we don't have to be out of control 99% of the time due to it. So that's why I do this. That matters. If I can do it anyone can. And I am a mess at least 5 or 6 days a month! I just survived 13 months without an ambulance ride, or visit to the hospital. Uh... yeah! I know it's awesome!
Phew!
For those of you reading instead of being with friends or family this Christmas I know you may be far from feeling content. Perhaps you have been battling fierecly against your illness... I hope to provide some comfort and joy even if it's fleeting. It would have been nice to provide this 7 hours ago when Blogger started gettin rowdy but such is life :-)
Merry Merry Merry Christmas to you all, and if it isn't Merry, may the Lyme community you are now part of here Between Health & Wealth Avenues, help to carry you today towards a better New Year
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First, a little getting to know your current blogger better...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, This is your Captain speaking". Thank you for flying Between Health & Wealth Aves with the Captain Audrey (aka Aud-some), please be sure to check in your seat pocket for ticks and put your tray table in the locked position. Thank you for flying with Aud-genius aviation!"...
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I realize after going through my posts to see if I had given any biographical info after the initial & introductory post - and am now aware that I should fill in some of the the rest of the picture in the next few weeks. I have not touched on any other very influential forces in my past here & think some of those forces may be useful or at least entertaining to you. I allude to times and places that have had huge impact persoanlly in posts but today is all about the written word, story telling, trust and faith so it's an appropriate time to give an answer! So... me & my faith background on this Christmas night:
I MYSELF WAS BORN AND RAISED AN EPISCOAPLIAN - ACTUALLY I AM A P.K. - "PRIEST'S KID". I HAVE GROWN UP DOING CHURCH-Y STUFF QUITE A BIT PARTICIPATING IN CHURCH SCHOOL, CHOIR, CONFIRMATION, YOUTH GROUP, HAPPENING RETREATS, EPISCOPAL CAMPS & I WAS A COUNSELOR AT THE EPISCOPAL CONFERENCE CENTER IN RI FOR 3 SUMMERS WHICH WAS ONE OF THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE. I THEN WENT ON TO KU & WAS AN ACTIVE MEMBER & THEN PRESIDENT OF THE EPISCOPAL & LUTHERAN CAMPUS MINISTRY ON CAMPUS. I WAS A DELEGATE FOR THE DIOCEASE OF KANSAS AT AGE 20 & LIVED AT THE CANTERBURY HOUSE FOR 1.5 YEARS AT KU ALSO. SO I'D SAY I AM A PRETTY ACTIVE AND WELL TAUGHT, TOTALLY SATURATED EPISCOPALIAN BUT KEEP IN MIND AS A CLERGY KID I KNOW MORE THEN I EVER CARED TO ABOUT THE RUNNING OF A CHURCH AND WHAT HAPPENS IN CONGREGATIONS, AND IN A DIOCEASE TOO. IT'S A BLESSING AND A CURSE. I HAVE NOT ABANDONED THE CHURCH BUT BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IT'S PRETTY UNBELIEVABLE TO ME THAT I HAVE FAITH IN RELIGION AGAIN & THAT I HAVE NOT DECIDED TO CONVERT OR SIMPLY ABANDON ORGANIZED RELIGION ALTOGETHER SIMPLY BECAUSE OF WHAT I HAVE SEEN, AND MOSTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH... OR AM STILL GOING THROUGH ACTUALLY!
I SPENT POWERFUL, EDUCATIONAL, AND LIFE CHANGING YEARS ROAMING AROUND CAMBRIDGE, MA; THE HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW HOUSE, HARVARD, ART MUSEUMS, AND BOATHOUSES, BIKE PATHS AND WALKING ALONG THE BEAUTIFUL CHARLES RIVER WATCHING THE CREW TEAMS PRACTICE & DECIDING I WANTED TO DO THAT ROWING STUFF SOMEDAY - AND I SURE FOLLOWED THROUGH IN HIGH SCHOOL AND 2 YRS OUT IN KANSAS AS A DIVISION I NCAA SCHOLARSHIP ROWER, RECRUITED SR YEAR WITHOUT ANY IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON OR THAT THIS WORLD OF SERIOUS ATHLETICS & SERIOUS FUNDING WOULD BECOME MINE FOR AWHILE. ANYWAYS... BACK TO CAMBRIDGE!
I WAS THAT 5TH GRADER THROWING AROUND TERMS LIKE MALE SHOVINISM AND GOING TO HEAR MAYA ANGELOU SPEAK. I WAS SOMEONE WHO WAS MISSING SCHOOL FOR "BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY" AT THE NATIONAL CONFERENCE OF CHRISTIANS AND JEWS (NCCJ) & TO ATTEND THE CONVICATION OF THE 1ST EPISCOPAL WOMAN BISHOP EVER: REVEREND BARBARA C. HARRIS.
THAT'S THE NOTEWORTHY ASPECT IN MY OWN BELIEF SYSTEM: I CAN GIVE A HUNDRED REASONS WHY I'D HAVE LEFT THE CHURCH OR WHY I SHOULD BE SO SKEPTICAL OF A LOVING GOD THAT I FINALLY THROW IN THE TOWEL AND SAY - IF GOD WAS THERE THEN... AND LIST ALL THE THINGS I'D HAVE LIKED TO AVOID WHEN IT COMES TO THE LONG SLICK, DARK, ICY ROADS WE NAVIGATE IN LYME LIFE. I DO NOT HAVE BLIND FAITH. I HAVE FAITH BUT SHE IS NOT HAPPY OFTEN - CERTAINLY I WOULD NOT TRY TO CONVERT ANYONE. I DON'T DO BIBLE STUDIES OR ATTEND CHURCH "RELIGIOUSLY" THIS YEAR. IT IS A JOURNEY THAT BRINGS RAPID CHANGES SO I HAVE BEEN THROUGH JUST ABOUT EVERY PHASE OF THE CHURCH GOER PROFILE FROM REGULAR ATTENDEE TO THE TEEN INVOLVED WITH EVERYTHING THEIR CHURCH OFFERS THAT AGE GROUP TO THE GIRL WHO COMES SPORADICALLY, IS SOMTIMES LATE & IS NOT A WELL KNOWN CLERGY KID (WHO ISN'T A KID ANYMORE BUT BELIEVE ME THAT'S A ROLE THAT REMIANS PRETTY MUCH THERE FOR LIFE SO I AM A P.K. NOW AND WILL BE IN 20 YEARS TOO.
SO MY MOM IS A PRIEST; THE REVEREND DOCTOR AS OF THIS YEAR. I EXPECT I'D BE ON MY WAY TO A DOCTORATE BY NOW HAD I NOT LOST YEAR AFTER YEAR TO ILLNESS, INJURY, ISOLATION, AND THE IDEA THAT IS PLANTED AND REINFORCED OVER & OVER BY OUR CORRUPT MEDICAL SYSTEM AND THESE ABSURD LYME GUIDELINES BUT THE SAYING "PREACHING TO THE CHOIR" HAS NEVER BEEN SO AMUSING!!
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP THE WHOLE WOMEN ON THE ALTAR DEBATE WAS RAGING IN SOME COMMUNITIES; IT WAS A MUCH BIGGER DEAL TO A LOT OF FOLKS AND DREW ANOTHER LINE DIVIDING EPISCOPALIANS AND CATHOLICS I'D SAY. AND IT WAS A FAR RARER THING TO HAVE FEMALES UP THERE RUNNING THE SHOW SO I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT THEOLOGICALLY BUT WAS EXPLAINING SEMINARY TO FRIENDS, TEACHERS AND PARENTS AT SCHOOL FOR THE NEXT 8 YEARS AND THEN BEYOND THAT TOO! IT'S WORTH EXPLORING AS A HOLIDAY TOPIC AND ONE THAT SHOWS ANOTHER ASPECT OF AUDREY BEYOND LYME, JUICE PLUS+ AND GOOD NUTRITION THAT COMES FROM THE GOOD LORD NOT FROM THE NOT SO GOOD CORPORATIONS AND CONTAIN CHEMICALS, DYES, AND GMO'S. IF THE MAGI CAN FOLLOW A STAR FOR MONTHS AND MAKE IT ALL THE WAY TO JESUS AND WITHOUT GOOGLE MAPS, CELL PHONES OR A GPS THEN I CAN FOLLOW THIS LEAD - WHEREVER IT MAY BE COMING FROM (IS IT STRESS OR SERAPHIM? LOL)
MY MOM WENT TO SEMINARY WHEN I WAS 9 IN CAMBRIDGE, ME AND DAD WENT WITH HER TOO! SO WE LEFT FORT MEADE, MD WHERE MY DAD WAS STATIONED AS A CAPTAIN IN THE ARMY IN 1991 AND DROVE THE UHAUL TO CAMBRIDGE - IREMEMBER THEM HAVING TO EXPLAIN WHAT AN APARTMENT WAS TO ME & SUDDENLY WE WERE OFF TO A NEW CIITY SO "MOM COULD STUDY TO BE A PRIEST...". I KNEW SHE HAD GONE TO HAITI ON SOME SORT OF BIG IMPORTANT CHURCH TRIP AND THAT WENT ALL THAT WAY TO HELP SOME REALLY POOR PEOPLE BUILD A CHURCH (I AM DOING THIS FROM MY MEMORY INTENTIONALLY THOUGH EXPECT MY FOLKS TO CORRECT ANY DETAILS MY 9 YEAR OLD BRAIN MAY HAVE GOTTEN WRONG! I REMEMBER THE HAITI TRIP FOR 2 REASONS: #1 I HAD TAKEN IT UPON MYSELF TO HELP THOSE PEOPLE TOO - AND I WAS VERY INDEPENDENT AT A YOUNG AGE - I HAD MADE TUNA SANDWICHES & HID THEM IN MOM'S SUITCASE SO SHE'D HAVE A NICE SURPRISE WHEN SHE LANDED AND COULD EAT ONE HERSELF IF THEY GAVE HER SOMETHING ON THE AIRPLANE SHE DIDN'T LIKE... THANK GOODNESS SHE WAS THOROUGH BEFORE ENTERING HAITI WHERE SOLDIERS TOOK ALL THEIR LUGGAGE APART AND ESCORTED THEM TO THEIR CONTACT ONCE EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SCRUTINIZED BY THOSE YOUNG MEN. I KNOW SHE GOT REALLY ILL THERE AFTER FORGETTING ONE MORNING THAT THE TAP WATER WASN'T SAFE TO USE AND ALL SHE DID WAS RUN HER TOOTHBRUSH UNDER THE WATER FOR A MINUTE, BRUSH HER TEETH AND THEN REMEMBERED TO USE BOTTLED WATER. TOO LATE! THAT STUCK WITH ME. LASTLY SHE HAD AWESOME STUFFF AND A LOT OF PICTURES WHEN SHE GOT BACK WITH THE OTHER CHURCH MEMBERS. SHE HAD A GREAT PAINTING OF WOMEN WASHING CLOTHES IN THE RIVER THAT I USED TO TAKE MY WATER COLOR BRUSHES AND PRETEND I WAS AN ARTIST WITH A BERET ON MY HEAD AND EVERYTHING. SHE HAD GREAT HANDMADE CLOTHES AND DOLLS STITCHED BY HAND FOR ME AND THAT'S ALL I REMEMBER. HAITI = SEMINARY. THAT'S ABOUT AS MUCH AS I PICKED UP ON AFTER THE FACT. THE IDEA OF BEING CALLED TO BE A CLERGY PERSON WAS TO STILL BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION. THIS WAS MY MOM! - SHE TAUGHT AT MY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AND TOOK ME TO THE OFFICERS CLUB TO GO SWIMMING. SHE LET ME GET ONE SLURPEE A WEEK AT 7-ELEVEN AFTER BALLET PRACTICE AND ALWAYS MADE ME COME IN WHEN IT GOT DARK - WHICH WAS DEVESTAING. AND NOW SHE WAS GOING TO GO TO SCHOOL - LIKE WHAT? AND SO WAS I? EXCUSE ME? AND WE WERE GOING TO HAVE AN APARTMENT - WHATEVER THAT WAS... I WANT TO THANK MY PARENTS TODAY FOR TAKING ME TO DINNER PARTIES, LECTURES, CONFERENCES, SERVICES AND GROWN UP EVENTS AT SEMINARY. I LIKED LISTENING AND ASKING QUESTIONS AND TALKING TO ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO WERE HER NEW FRIENDS AND GOING TO SERVICES WITH INCENSE AND INTENSELY LIBERAL ACADEMICS. I WAS CONFUSED IN 5TH GRADE ABOUT WHY PEOPLE WOULDN'T LEAVE GAY PEOPLE ALONE. WE HAD LOTS OF GAY FRIENDS AND YES I KNEW WHAT IT MEANT TO BE GAY AND THOUGHT MYSELF VERY MATURE FOR USING THE WORD "SEX" WHEN TALKING ABOUT GAYS AND LESBIANS.
PRIOR TO THE MOVE AND HAITI AND EVERYTHING YOU NOW KNOW THERE WAS AN OUTSTANDING DAY OF AUD-ISM THAT MUST HAVE MADE MOM FEEL SUPER AT EASE IF SHE WAS CONTEMPLATING MINISTRY AND WANTING THE BISHOP'S APPROVAL AND PRIEST'S SUPPORT... (I TRULY DID NOT SEE WHY I WOULD EVER BE WRONG FOR CHALLENGING THE MAN WITH THE BIG HAT AT CHURCH WHO HAD ONE OF THOSE CANES LIKE THE MEN WITH SHEEP IN MY BIBLE BOOKS... AND HE GOT A BIG WOOD CHAIR ON THE ALTAR AT CHURCH AND FACING EVERYONE ELSE TOO - NOBODY ELSE UP THERE GOT TO SIT DOWN SO HE MUST HAVE BEEN SUPER IMPORTANT AND EXTRA HOLY...)
MY MOTHER TOLD ME ONE SUNDAY THAT WE WERE GOING TO CHURCH AND TO BE EXTRA WELL BEHAVED SOMETIME PRIOR TO THE DAY THE BISHOP VISITED. I WAS 3 BUT MY FOLKS TAUGHT ME THAT CHURCH WAS A RITUAL AND REGULAR ACTIVITY - AN IMPORTANT ONE. IT MEANT LACEY SOCKS AND RUFFLE DRESSES - THAT I RECALL. I WASN'T IN DAYCARE. I WAS IN THE PEW AS OFTEN AS THEY WERE. WELL THE BISHOP WAS GOING TO VISIT OUR CHURCH - ST. MARTIN IN THE FIELD IN MARYLAND, AND I RECALL THAT I HAD ON A PALE YELLOW DRESS, LACEY SOCKS AND PATENT LEATHER, BUCKLE SHOES. WE WERE IN THE 1ST COUPLE OF ROWS OF THE CHURCH WHICH WAS PACKED AND OF COURSE I KNEW EVEN THEN HOW TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE AND WAS NOT AFRAID TO USE MY VOICE FROM THE DAY I WAS BORN ON. THAT IS WHO I AM - GOD MADE ME THAT WAY SO IT MUST BE A GIFT... LOL.
MY MOTHER TOLD ME THAT WE WERE GOING TO CHURCH AND I HAD TO BE EXTRA WELL BEHAVED THAT DAY. I WAS ONLY 3. MY FOLKS TAUGHT ME THAT CHURCH WAS A RITUAL AND REGULAR ACTIVITY - THAT I WAS BAPTIZED AS A BABY SO I COULD TAKE COMMUNION AS A SMALL CHILD WHEN A LOT OF OTHER KIDS WEREN'T ALLOWED YET, AND THAT I COULD ASK THEM ANYTHING. I WAS DRESSED UP THAT SUNDAY- IT MEANT WHITE LACEY SOCKS AND A RUFFLE BABY DOLL DRESS- THAT I RECALL. I WASN'T A KID WHO MISBEHAVED A LOT SO I WASN'T PUT IN DAYCARE DURING GROWN UP CHURCH LIKE LOTS OF KIDS WERE . I WAS IN THE PEW AS OFTEN AS THEY WERE. IT WAS AN EXTRA SPECIAL DAY -THE BISHOP WAS GOING TO VISIT OUR CHURCH - ST. MARTIN IN THE FIELD IN SEVERNA PARK MD, BUT WHAT I WAS TOLD WAS THAT DAN'S BOSS WAS COMING TO VISIT. HE WAS THE PRIEST THERE. WE WERE SITTING IN THE 1ST COUPLE OF ROWS OF THE CHURCH, WHICH WAS PACKED,. AND OF COURSE I KNEW EVEN THEN HOW TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE. I WAS NOT AFRAID TO USE MY VOICE FROM THE DAY I WAS BORN ON. THAT IS WHO I AM - GOD MADE ME THAT WAY SO IT MUST BE A GIFT... LOL.
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| THANK YOU DIOCEASE OF RI FOR USE OF THE IMAGE!: https://www.facebook.com/EpiscopalRI |
"YOU LIED!", I SHOUTED OBVIOUSLY MAD OR DISTRAUGHT ABOUT BEING MISLED...
"HE'S NOT GOD!"
I AM JUST AS MEEK & MILD NOW AS I WAS THEN.CLEARLY IT WAS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO INANY CERTAINTY. IT'S JUST SOMETHING I THOUGHT OF THIS EAR AND HAVE FELT A FEW TIMES THIS YEAR.
I FEEL LIKE I DRANK THE KOOL AID AND NEVER INTENDED TO. ME & BLIND FAITH OR ALLEGIANCE SIMPLY AREN'T HAPPENING. NOT WHO I AM... OBVIOUSLY.
I TELL YOU SOME OF MY PERSONAL HISTORY SO YOU KNOW WHY I TOUCH ON SOME TOPICS THIS WEEK THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME HISTORICALLY AND RELIGOUSLY PLUS THEY ARE UPON US AND GREAT, INSPIRATIONAL STORIES IN OUR HISTORY BUT THEY HAVE HISTORICAL ACCURACY WHICH GIVES THEM AN UNUSAUL LEVEL OF CREDINILTY. PLUS THEY ARE WONDERFUL METAPHORS TO GIVE A WRITER ACCESS TO!
I STILL CONSIDER MYSELF A VERY LIBERAL CHRISTIAN AND EPISCOPAL.THIS YEAR I MOVED INTO AN APARTMENT MYSELF AFTER LIVING WITH FAMILY OR AT SCHOOLS ON & OFF FOR OVER A DECADE. FINALLY SETTLING DOWN SOMEPLACE ON MY OWN ONCE MORE! I AM BRINGING IN SOME MONEY, BUILDING A TEAM FOR JUICE PLUS+, TEACHING FOLKS ABOUT AEROPONIC GARDENING TO GET NON GMO FOOD FROM THEIR OWN PLANTS MINUS THE TASK & TIME THAT YOU MUST INVEST WITH A TRADITIONAL GARDEN. AND I AM BLOGGING NOW ALSO AND HOPE TO EVENTUA;;Y GROW THAT INTO A WEBPAGE ++ NOW THAT I AM FEELING LIKE IT WON'T FAIL AND PEOPLE HAVE RESPONDED FROM ALL OVER THE GLOBE, AND ALL OVER THE WEB TO ME WHICH I DON'T FORESEE BUT THAT LITTLE EXTRA MAKES ME SURE THAT DESPITE MY ERRORS AND FLAWS I AM OFFERING SOMETHING HERE THAT OTHER'S SHOW AN INTEREST IN AND SEEM TO FIND USEFUL. THAT IS GREAT!
THE CHRISTMAS I GREW UP WITH IS MISSING THIS YEAR FROM 2 FAMILY MOVES THAT ARE HAPPENING!
A TIME OF RAPID TRANSITION HAS BEEN HAPPENING FOR ALL 4 OF US THIS YEAR. OUR 9 YR OLD 5TH FAMILY MEMBER - BAILY THE WONDER DOG, PASSED AWAY LAST SUMMER ON JULY 4TH IN A TRAGIC SERIES OF EVENTS & WE ALL MISS HER NOW I CAN TELL. I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER THE LAST 2 DAYS SINCE MY MOM IS ABOUT TO MOVE FROM ONE PARISH IN RI TO ANOTHER IN WICHITA, KS. HER LAST SERVICE WAS CHRISTMAS MORNING. THEY LEAVE IN A UHAUL FOR KANSAS IN A MATTER OF HRS SO OBVIOUSLY THERE HAS BEEN A LOT HAPPENING FOR US IN ADDITION TO MY LYME FLARE UPS, UNBALANCED BODY AND ANXIOUS BRAIN ETC...THIS YEAR DID NOT INCLUDE DECORATIONS, A TREE, I DID NOT SHOP FOR OR WRAP ONE GIFT (NEVER DONE THAT. NEVER!) OR SIGN A SINGLE CARD WHICH I FIND DISAPPOINTING EVEN IF I CAN JUSTIFY THAT WITH HOW HARDCORE I HAVE BEEN BATTLING! THERE'S BEEN NO BAKING, NO CHRISTMAS PARTIES, NO SHOPPING FOR &/OR MAKING PRESENTS AND WRITING CARDS, NO SANTA HATS, AND WORST OF ALL NO BAILEY THE WONDER DOG TO STICK BOWS ON AND LIE NEAR THE FIREPLACE WHILE WE SIT AROUND THE TREE. I DON'T QUESTION THINGS ANYMORE. I THINK THIS HAS BEEN GREAT AND BET SOME PEOPLE WILL ENJOY THIS BACKGROUND, MY STORIES AND GETTING TO KNOW ME A LOT MORE THROUGH THIS POST BUT IT'S NOT NUTRITION, HEALTH, LYME OR JUICE PLUS+ NUTRITION SO I AM SURPRISED EVEN NOW THAT I AM SO COMPELLED TOWARDS THIS ENTIRE LINE OF THINKING AND AM COMFORTABLE, EVEN EXCIETED, TO SHARE THIS ALL TODAY. I DON'T GET THE BOTTOM LINE OR THE FORCE BEHIND A LOT OF WHAT'S HAPPENED THIS PAST YEAR BUT MY CERTAINTY THAT THIS IS WHAT TO USE & WHAT I NEED TO SHARE IS PRETTY HIGH... SO HOPEFULLY SOMETHING UP THERE HAS A PLAN, A PRAYER & IS HELPING ME PLUG ON TOWARDS THE LAST LINE. I FEEL IT BUT CAN'T HANDLE ANALYZING IT ALL JUST NOW.
WHEN I BEGAN WRITING THIS ALL OUT LAST NIGHT I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE FINISHED BOTH POSTS AND PICKED MY PHOTO'S , EDITED, FORMATTED AND SAVED 'EM BEFORE BED SO I COULD RESIST SPENDING THE DAY DEEP IN THOUGHT, OR FIGHTING WITH FORMATS OR FEELING INADEQUATE OR UNFINISHED TODAY. AFTER MISSING A FEW POSTS LATELY THE DAYS I AM UP & RUNNING I NEED TO BLOG - LIKE I FEEL THE URGE TO WHICH IS GREAT- BUT SCRATCHING THAT ITCH IS SOMETIMES QUICK AND PAINLESS AND SOMETIMES IT'S A CEASELESS CRITICAL CYCLE OR BATTLE AGAINST THE LYME DEMONS IN ORDER TO PUT OUT THE BLOG I INTEND. I THINK IT'S GREAT, IT'S HEALTHY AND THERAPEUTIC AND I AM PRETTY PROUD TO HAVE GOTTEN IT DONE AT ALL ON A COUPLE OF REALLY HORRIBLE DAYS - IT TOOK NO SMALL EFFORT OR DISCIPLINE...
OF COURSE HEALTHY FOOD, WATER, COFFEE AND CEASELESS LOUD AND MOTIVATING MUSIC HELP AT THE END (LIKE NOW THAT BLOGGER SEEMS TO HAVE SETTLED FIANLLY AND I AM GETTING DONE!) YEAH I AM "HARDCORE" EVEN NOW ! HARDCORE PROVING TO MYSELF, OTHERS, AND THE VOICE IN MY HEAD THAT SAYS "DON'T TRY. DON'T PLAN. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING ELSE ON. THE ONE THAT REMINDS ME OF EVERY ERROR, AND EVERY FAILURE EVEN THOSE I HAD NO CONTROL OVER. BUT SOMEHOW THIS YEAR I TOOK ON SOMETHING NEW - A FRANCHISE... AND IT WAS LEGIT. MORE THEN LEGIT, IT WAS TRULY HELPFUL FOR MY HEALTH. IT LED TO ME BECOMING GLUTEN FREE, NON GMO AND VEGETARIN... TO A LOSS OF 27 LBS AS OF YESTERDAY WHICH IS HEALTHY FOR ME & NOT A REFELCTION OF MY SELF WORTH BASED UPON THE #'S ON A SCALE, AND SOMEHOW I AM NOW IN MY APARTMENT IN PROVIDENCE. MY BROTHER IS NEARBY AND MY FOLKS ARE GETTING READY A FEW TOWNS OVER TO PICK UP THEIR UHAUL AND DRIVE ACROSS THE MID-WEST TOGETHER AGAIN. I AM NOT LIVING IN THEIR HOUSE NOW THOUGH I COULD NOT AFFORD TO BE HERE AT ALL WITHOUT THEIR FINANCIAL AID - WHICH IS AN ONGOING AND OUTSTANDING DEBT OF COURSE BUT WHO WITH CHRONIC LYME IS FINANCIALLY FREE - (DON'T ANSWER THIS PLEASE. KNOW SOME PEOPLE ARE AND THAT'S HOW I'D HOPE THIS ALL TURNS OUT SOMEDAY BUT DO I BELIEVE THAT'S WHAT THIS IS FOR, OR WHY I AM BEING PULLED INTO THIS MAZE OF AWESOME SUCESSES FIANLLY WITH LEGITAMATE FEAR SOMETIMES THAT IT'LL MAKE THE FALL FROM THIS PLACE ALL THE MORE PAINFUL AND SPECTACULAR TO WATCH BUT THAT FEAR IS NOT EVEN SLOWING ME DOWN. IT'S THERE FOR ME TO FRET OVER BUT I AM NOT FIGHTING THIS FEELING ANYMORE. I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT I STARTED FIGHTING FOR! I AM HARDCORE. I REPEAT THESE THINGS NOT OUT OF VANITY BY THE WAY. I HAVE TO SAY IT BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY BELIEVING IT AT TIMES THIS YEAR. I AM PUSHING AND MAKING SOMETHING SOMETIMES THAT I AM PROUD OF, THAT'S USEFUL TO ME, AND SURPRISINGLY SEEMS TO BE USEFUL TO SOME OF YOU AS WELL. OKAY. THAT'S EPIC! I AM HARDCORE...
WAIT!
My friend I have to tell you something...
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| https://www.facebook.com/StrongOnTheInsideon |
SO ARE YOU!!! YOU ARE HARDCORE MY FRIEND! YOU ARE AWESOME TOO!
YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO BECOME A DESIGNATED 7 DEPUTIZED "HARDCORE", & AWESOME-TOWN (AS MY FRIEND FROM COLUMBIA LIKES TO SAY...) REPRESENTATIVE OF "BETWEEN HEALTH & WEALTH AVES" FOR THE NEXT 11 DAYS. I KNOW IT'S JUST WHAT YOU WANTED SANTA TO BRING YOU HUH?
YOU ARE STILL HERE? WOW! YOU MUST REALLY LACK READING MATERIAL TODAY, LOL! OR YOU'RE INTRIGUED ENOUGH TO GET THIS FAR & WANT TO FIND OUT WHERE THIS PIECE OF THE BLOG POST PUZZLE FITS ON THE BOARD.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE MISERABLE & SUFFERING LET ME EXTEND MY SYMPATHY, EMPATHY AND IRE ABOUT THIS DISEASE, THIS BROKEN WORLD AND OUR UNACCEPTABLE TREATMENT GUIDELINES. IF YOU'VE BEEN MISSING OUT THIS CHRISTMAS, ON FAMILY MEALS AND EVENTS, WRITING ANNUAL CHRISTMAS CARDS, DECORATING YOUR HOUSE & GIFT GIVING ACTIVITES OR LACK THE EMOTIONAL SATISFACTION OF A NICE HAPPY WARM CHRISTMAS WITH LOVED ONES, LET ME SAY I AM HERE TO WISH YOU A WONDERFUL AND PEACEFUL 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS. 2ND WE ALL KNOW THAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES WE ARE HANDED ARE BEYOND OUR CONTROL & COMPREHENSION BUT WE SURVIVE BECAUSE WE ARE SMART SAVVY AND STUBBORN RIGHT? WE ALL STILL HAVE THE AUDACITY TO BEAT OURSELVES UP. WE FEEL SHAME, ANXIETY, ANGER, SADNESS & GUILT OVER WHAT WE WEREN'T ABLE TO DO OR HAD HAPPEN AND NEEDED TO HANDLE.
IF YOU WERE LIKE ME THIS YEAR & WERE THERE TO "DO" CHRISTMAS & TRIED YOUR BEST BUT ONLY MADE IT IN BODY; WITH A DISTINCT LACK OF EXCITEMENT, JOY & HOLIDAY FUN, I AM NONE TOO PROUD TO REPORT, YOU DO GET TO PAUSE AND SAY NOW: YOU GOT THERE. YOU GOT THROUGH IT. YOU GOT SOME GUMPTION!! AND SAY:
"I AM PROUD OF MYSELF!"
I AM PROUD ACTUALLY, TODAY (BUT I AM WAY PAST BUMMED WITH "BLOGGER" AND GOOGLE TOO LIKE I WAS VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO THE TECHNOLOGY for a solid 5 mins not too long ago here...But the nice thing is FEELING PRIDE REGULARLY EVEN IF IT'S FROM SURVIVING SOME SUPER PAINFUL< EMBARASSING AND LONELY PHYSICAL AFFECTS.
PRIDE IS BORN AGAIN THIS YEAR FOR ME DESPITE HOW I HATE WHAT'S HAPPENING, HOW I LOOK AND FEEL AND HAVE NONSTOP PANIC ATTACKS PLUS NEUROLOGICAL AFFECTS FROM THE LYME DISEASE
KEEP IN MIND THAT IT IS TO YOUR CREDIT THAT YOU ARE HERE. YOU'RE CONTRIBUTING TO THE 2ND DAY OF CHRISTMAS BEING GREAT BY HEALPING YOUR MINDY AND SPIRIT HEALON THIS HOLY DAY. I AM HAPPY IF ANYTHING I SAY OR DO ENDS UP MAKING SOME HOLIDAY CHEER FOR OTHERS & HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT TO WILL BE SO IN ORDER TO PRESENT ALL THIS HERE - IN A VAGUE AND STRANGE WORLD OF ONLINE LIVING- BUT THIS PLACE IS MY ONLINE HOME; MY MOST COMFORTABLE SPACE IN CYBERSPACE AND THAT'S NOT ME, THAT'S A FORCE BIGGER THEN ANY ONE PERSON. IT'S THE PULL OF PEOPLE I HAVE YET TO MEET, AND PRAYERS THAT OTHERS HAVE SAID AND PLACES THAT ARE STILL UNSEEN AND THE CALL TO CREATE COMMUNITY HERE.
WE STRUGGLE AS INDIVIDUALS & SURVIVE AS FRIENDS
WE STRUGGLE AS INDIVIDUALS & SURVIVE AS FRIENDS
I DID NOT WANT To FACE FREINDS and EXTENDED FAMILY BECAUSE SOMEONE MIGHT ASK WHAT I WAS DOING WITH MY LIFE, OR HOW I WAS DOING OR IF I FINISHED SCHOOL OR IF I WAS MARRIED AND... THAT PART WRITES IN ITSELF, AND FAST. YOU DON'T NEED THAT KIND OF STORY OR PIECE TODAY. I DON'T THINK I'D SURVIVE THAT INTENESE A DOSE OF REALITY EITHER!
IF THIS IS YOUR 1ST VISIT OR YOU ENDED UP HERE WHEN YOU GOT LOST I WELCOME YOU AND OFFER YOU A PLACE IN THIS COMMUNITY. THE POSTS ARE NOT GOING TO CONTINUE TO BE THIS LONG OR TELL MY CHILDHOOD HIGHLIGHTS BUT THERE'S A TIME FOR EVERY SEASON AND IT'S THE CHANGING OF THE SEASONS PLUS A PRETTY INTENSE HOLIDAY ON A PERSONAL, PROFESSIONAL,AND FAMILIAL LEVEL SO THERE ARE ALLOWANCES I BELIEVE FOR THIS. ALSO I AM NEW TO THIS LIFESTYLE AND LYME LIFE CHAPTER ALSO. I AM TRAINING JUST AS YOU ARE. IF YOU WANT TO TRAIN HERE WITH ME I HOPE YOU WILL BECOME A MEMBER AND NOT JUST FOLLOW ME. A MEMBER SHOWS UP AS A PUBLIC SUPPORTER AND A FOLLOWER OF THE BLOG COMMUNITY WHICH I CAN'T BELIEVE I FIGURED OUT. WOW. IT WAS 7 WEEKS AGO I THINK THAT THIS BEGAN. WHAT A SHORT TIME TO HAVE HAD SO MUCH HAPPEN IN PERSONAL LIFE AND WITH THE LYME. BUT THE TRAINING IS INTENSE BECAUSE THIS IS REAL- NOT A SIMULATION OR A PRACTICE RUN. THERE'S NO EXTRA LIVES, OR RE-START. WE TRAIN HARD TO FIGHT HARD TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE HARDEST CIRCUMSTANCES AND TOGETHER I BELIEVE WE WILL MAKE IT. WE AS LYMIES AND LOVED ONES OF LYME VICTIMS ARE THE MOST POTENT SOURCE OF KNOWLEDGE, STRENGTH, AND FAITH THERE IS. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.. THE AVENUE HAS YOUR BACK!!!
I CONTINUE TO DISCOVER A POTENT, POWERFUL AND POSITIVE FORCE OF DISEASE FIGHTERS OUT IN THE WORLD! WOW- I HOPE I CONTINUE TO BE HUMBLED, ELATED AND INSPIRED LIKE I HAVE BEEN SINCE THE 1ST POST.
WAITING FOR THE HONEYMOON PERIOD TO END & MAYBE IT DID DURING THE LONG AND LONELY TIME I LOST MY WAY, AND MY BALANCE, THIS PAST WEEK AND LAST MONTH AND... BUT LIKE A LOST & THEN FOUND HIKER I ENDED UP COMING OUT ONTO A TRAIL AFTER LOSING MY COMPASS & MY WAY & MY HOPE &...BEING CERTAIN I WAS A GONER.
A PERSON OF FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, AND FEEL THE PULL OF SOMETHING LARGER THEN THIS LIFE AND THAT STUPID OLE' LYME DISEASE! THAT IS SOMETHING TO CHEER UP ANY OF US WHO STRUGGLE. WE ARE PRETTY INCREDIBLE ON A WHOLE & ARE A KNOWLEDGEABLE, TENACIOUS & "HARD CORE" BUNCH... WORLDWIDE! THERE ARE NOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BLOG IN 24 COUNTRIES AND TONIGHT I GOT TO 5,500 HITS. TRULY NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT GOING FOR HIGH NUMBERS BECAUSE I WAS FOCUSED ON THE START, THE IDEA THAT MAYBE I SHOULD DO THIS AND THEN DECIDED AND BEGAN THIS WITH FORETHOUGHT AND A SERIOUS DEDICATION HERE DESPITE HAVING FEW IDEAS ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD DO OR WHAT I WANTED TO SAY.
THAT'S THE LIFE OF A WRITER...??? IT'S NOT ALWAYS CHOOSING TO START WRITING OR DECIDING WHEN TO TAKE BREAKS. NOPE.
MY NEED AND HOPE TO RETURN TO MY SPOT HERE, DOWN ON THE CORNER, "BETWEEN HEALTH AND WEALTH AVENUES" HAS BEEN A WELCOME DISTRACTION & ENCOURAGING GROUP OF READERS TOO. I KNOW IF I DISAPPEAR OF THIS CORNER PEOPLE WILL NOTICE AND NOW I HAVE TOTAL CONFIDENCE THAT IT WILL BE RECEIVED WITH PATIENCE, KINDNESS AND CONCERN. THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT, BUT IT IS APPROPRIATE AND WHAT WE ALL NEED ON AN INDIVIDUAL LEVEL EVEN IF IT MAKES US UNCOMFORTABLE EMOTIONALLY.
IF YOU HAVE CHRISTMAS IN MIND THEN CHRISTMAS IS IN YOUR HEART. IF IT'S IN YOUR HEART YOU DON'T NEED THE EXTRA HOLIDAY FLOURISHES.
WHATEVER YOU SURVIVED WOULD HAVE BEEN UNSURVIVABLE BY ANYONE LESS "HARDCORE" AND LESS TENACIOUS. ANY PRAYERS YOU SAID WERE EXTRA MEANINGFUL AND MINDFUL. ANY BREATH YOU TOOK WAS REALLY DEEP AND SUPER OXYGENATING. ANYTHING YOU WRAPPED IS TIED WITH LOVE. ANYTHING YOU DECORATED IS ESPECIALLY BEAUTIFUL AND ANYTHING YOU WROTE IS NOTABLY POIGNANT. YOU DID ALL THAT & MADE IT TO THE HERE & NOW?
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WHAT'S NOT TO CELEBRATE? WHY WOULDN'T YOU FEEL SOME CHEER, AND WHY WOULDN'T THE REST OF US BE CHEERING YOU ON FROM NEAR & FAR? NO RESPONSE?... OKAY THEN IT'S A CELEBRATION EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE CELEBRATING -
YOU HAVE BEEN CHEERING ME UP, URGING ME FORWARD, AND SETTLING ME DOWN ON THE WORST DAYS IN DECEMBER & MOST FREQUENT FLARE UPS I HAVE HAD IN 5 OR 6 YEARS I BET; URGING ME FORWARD LIKE A COXSWAIN FOR THE ROWERS. GUIDING AND STEERING ME WHEN I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING OR HOW CLOSE THIS RACE IS. I AM BLIND WHEN BATTLING - MOSTI URGE YOU FORWARD NOW. I URGE MYSELF ALSO. LET'S BE THE CHRISTMAS CHEER FOR ANOTHER IF POSSIBLE & IF YOU HAVE YET TO FEEL ANY PERSONALLY THEN MAKING IT FOR SOMEONE ELSE SHOULD BE A POWERFUL IDEA AND THAT IS A GIFT YOU CAN GIVE. THAT IS A GIFT I COULD USE. HOW ABOUT YOU?
YOU ARE HERE HELPING ME YOU SHOULD KNOW NOW. WHEN NOBODY IS HERE WITH ME I ANTICIPATE ANOTHER PERSON COMING ALONG & READING,COMMENTING, SHARING, LIKING, RE TWEETING, FORWARDING, AND 1+"ING" ON GOOGLE TO NAME A FEW WAYS WE SHARE CYBERSPACE. THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO STOP, OR RANDOMLY SPEAK TO ME ARE THOSE WHO MAKE THIS PLACE SPECIAL. IT IS A RESOURCE FOR ME & HOPEFULLY FOR YOU TOO. IT IS A COMMUNITY IF YOU WANT ONE. SOMEDAY IT WILL EXPAND TO A WEBPAGE AND ALL THAT ONLINE SOCIAL MEDIA THIS, THAT AND THE OTHER. FOR NOW IT'S JUST US, AND WE MEET HERE
BECAUSE MOST OF WHAT WE THINK ABOUT AND DO ON CHRISTMAS ARE SIMPLY THAT, FLOURISHES; IT'S TRADITION AND TASTES AND TREES WHICH HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS HOLY DAY OR CELEBRATING JESUS AT ALL. IF THAT IS PART OF HOW YOU SPEND CHRISTMAS THEN FOCUS ON THIS. IF THE CHURCH ASPECT HAS NEVER BEEN PART OF YOUR UPBRINGING THAN CONTEMPLATE THE STORY OF TRUST & LOVE & MIRACLES THAT CHRISTMAS HAS TAUGHT US FROM A NON RELIGIOUS SIDE. AS A HUMAN BEING ON A DIFFICULT DAY YOU COULD USE AN INSPIRING STORY & THIS IS ONE WE ALL KNOW BY HEART I BET. THINK ABOUT HOW GREAT IT IS TO HAVE MADE IT THUS FAR, AND ANYTHING YOU DID GET DONE TO PREP FOR THE PRESENT PANIC THIS MORNING WITH YOUR KIDS WAS SUPER AWESOME. ANY COOKIES YOU BAKED WERE EXTRA GOOD.
YOU ARE AMAZING!!
YOU ARE AWESOMETOWN!!
YOU ARE HARDCORE!!
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